My dad went on morphine today.
I haven't blogged about this, at least not lately, but my father is dying. He's in end stage renal failure complicated by the fact that his circulatory system is shutting down. Right now, he's hospitalized a little over an hour from where I live, but he and my mother are making plans to return to their home to make their way through what remains.
We really don't know how much time remains. It could be days. It could be weeks.
The circulatory problems have resulted in a lack of bloodflow to his extremities, which means that his feet, lower legs and other parts of his body are becoming gangrenous. And gangrene is extremely painful. The doctors tell us a time may come soon when his entire existence is pain. Unending pain. Screaming pain.
He's completely bedridden. He'd be completely helpless if not for the constant attention of my mother, who doesn't leave his side except for minutes at a time.
Due to the renal failure, he currently undergoes dialysis three times a week. It seems to be becoming less effective with each treatment though. To continue dialysis if my parents go home is going to require ambulance transport.
He could choose to discontinue the dialysis, knowing that it would lead, in a matter of days, to death. And this may be a way, at some near point, for him to escape the pain.
I live in interesting times. I move from detached stoicism to deep depression to confusion many times each day. I find myself looking for distraction, pushing emotions deep within so I can function. And I slowly find myself making peace with his imminent disappearance from my life.
It's an odd thing to wish for your parent to die soon because you've seen their quality of life diminish to a point from which you can see no possible return. I realize that many other people have gone through this same thing. I'm not unique.
But it's hard...
Tuesday, May 13, 2003
Thursday, May 08, 2003
Saturday, May 03, 2003
I'm terrible... I couldn't help myself... When the Computer Shoppe in Metairie opened this morning, I was the first person in the door and I quickly left with a 30 GB iPod. A report will follow soon... Must go play with it now...
Friday, May 02, 2003
I hereby apologize to my friends who went to this morning's feature of X2 with me for all of the bouncing up and down in my seat that I did.
Sweet fucking jesus, that movie was a complete fanboy wetdream... me am happy... oh so very very happy...
Now bring on Dark Phoenix! (and can we have some more of nearly naked Colossus, please...)
Sweet fucking jesus, that movie was a complete fanboy wetdream... me am happy... oh so very very happy...
Now bring on Dark Phoenix! (and can we have some more of nearly naked Colossus, please...)
Monday, April 28, 2003
Monday, April 21, 2003
Friday, April 18, 2003
Tuesday, April 15, 2003
Dave arrives in New Orleans one week from today for a 2 week visit. And I am very happy about this.
Yay.
Yay.
Ok... so remember how last week I was feeling all weird cuz some boy had pretty eyes.... well, a friend of mine went back to the Country Club the next day and saw said boy having a 3 way in the showers... which turned into a four way when they invited this hideous boy who I call "Missy" (cuz he looks like a lesbian I know named Missy) over to join them...
feh...
feh...
Ok... that last post sounded mean and I really didn't mean for it to... when discussing the penis blog project i should have pointed out that there is absolutely nothing wrong with a big scary dick and they certainly have their place (and it's a very nice place)....
now i'm thinking that last sentence just sounds wrong...
now i'm thinking that last sentence just sounds wrong...
Hmmm. Maybe I'm just having a spectacularly unhorny evening, but most of the pictures in the penis blog project sort of scare me... where are all the bloggers with the pretty peni?
Friday, April 11, 2003
Saturday, April 05, 2003
I'm currently in a weird mood. Yesterday, I had one of those little moments in life that can be scary.
I was at the Country Club getting some sun and hanging out with my friend, Gray. I notice this incredibly cute guy come into the pool area. I'm in the pool and after a bit, he gets into the pool as well and starts swimming the length of the pool. On one of his turns he surfaced next to me and looked over and gave me the most beautiful smile I've ever seen in my life. And it felt like lightning hit me.
He swims for a bit more and then gets out of the pool, giving me a glance once in a while, but a normal everyday just looking around kind of glance.
A bit later, I go to the outside bar for a drink and he's sitting at it. I have to ask him for an ashtray and a napkin cuz they're both by him on the bar. So, we start talking. And talk for about half an hour. And I'm pretty much drowning in the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. We talk literature and travel and alternative theater. His name is Jason and he's an actor in Los Angeles on a week's vacation in the Big Easy. He tells me about a play he was just in called "The Short Bus", the title alone of which makes me laugh. He says the last great book he read was Jean-Paul Sartre's Nausea, which made him laugh and cry and shook his world up. He mentions the boyfriend word in passing, but I'm not sure if it's current or past tense. Gray joins us in conversation midway through.
I mention a play I'm going to see that nite and he indicates that he may go see it as well. I think of offering my phone number but never do it. He goes to the bathroom. I get back into the pool. He sits at the bar for a bit more and then tells Gray and I that he's leaving, but tells me perhaps he'll see me at the play. As he sits tying his shoes on a chair at the edge of the pool, I'm thinking he's one of the most attractive people I've ever seen in my life. Oddly enough, Gray later says he was just 'ok'.
After he leaves, Gray says he thinks the guy was attracted to me. I think perhaps he was interested in Gray. Who knows...
Circumstances change and I don't make it to the play. My friend I was going with bails on me. My dog makes an untimely escape into the neighborhood. And too much time passes for me to make it there.
So, today, I wonder... did he go to the play? Was he looking for me? If we had met up and chatted what would've happened? Would it have gone badly? Could this have been 'the one'? Why did one look from someone so completely freak me out? I don't think of myself as the 'struck by lightning' type of guy anymore... perhaps I'm wrong about that...
Regardless, I just wish I'd gotten to spend a few more minutes in the company of a sweet magnetic guy.
I was at the Country Club getting some sun and hanging out with my friend, Gray. I notice this incredibly cute guy come into the pool area. I'm in the pool and after a bit, he gets into the pool as well and starts swimming the length of the pool. On one of his turns he surfaced next to me and looked over and gave me the most beautiful smile I've ever seen in my life. And it felt like lightning hit me.
He swims for a bit more and then gets out of the pool, giving me a glance once in a while, but a normal everyday just looking around kind of glance.
A bit later, I go to the outside bar for a drink and he's sitting at it. I have to ask him for an ashtray and a napkin cuz they're both by him on the bar. So, we start talking. And talk for about half an hour. And I'm pretty much drowning in the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. We talk literature and travel and alternative theater. His name is Jason and he's an actor in Los Angeles on a week's vacation in the Big Easy. He tells me about a play he was just in called "The Short Bus", the title alone of which makes me laugh. He says the last great book he read was Jean-Paul Sartre's Nausea, which made him laugh and cry and shook his world up. He mentions the boyfriend word in passing, but I'm not sure if it's current or past tense. Gray joins us in conversation midway through.
I mention a play I'm going to see that nite and he indicates that he may go see it as well. I think of offering my phone number but never do it. He goes to the bathroom. I get back into the pool. He sits at the bar for a bit more and then tells Gray and I that he's leaving, but tells me perhaps he'll see me at the play. As he sits tying his shoes on a chair at the edge of the pool, I'm thinking he's one of the most attractive people I've ever seen in my life. Oddly enough, Gray later says he was just 'ok'.
After he leaves, Gray says he thinks the guy was attracted to me. I think perhaps he was interested in Gray. Who knows...
Circumstances change and I don't make it to the play. My friend I was going with bails on me. My dog makes an untimely escape into the neighborhood. And too much time passes for me to make it there.
So, today, I wonder... did he go to the play? Was he looking for me? If we had met up and chatted what would've happened? Would it have gone badly? Could this have been 'the one'? Why did one look from someone so completely freak me out? I don't think of myself as the 'struck by lightning' type of guy anymore... perhaps I'm wrong about that...
Regardless, I just wish I'd gotten to spend a few more minutes in the company of a sweet magnetic guy.
Friday, April 04, 2003
I highly recommend that you immediately purchase The Devil You Know by Poppy Z. Brite.
It's a really tight collection of short stories. Way way well written.
But best of all... she freaking thanked me on the acknowledgements page!!!!!!
One of my favorite authors thanked ME in one of her books. Wow wow wow.
Why did she thank me? Cuz a character in the story A Season in Heck relates a story about a past experience of his involving absinthe and emergency rooms... sound familiar? Heh.
It's a really tight collection of short stories. Way way well written.
But best of all... she freaking thanked me on the acknowledgements page!!!!!!
One of my favorite authors thanked ME in one of her books. Wow wow wow.
Why did she thank me? Cuz a character in the story A Season in Heck relates a story about a past experience of his involving absinthe and emergency rooms... sound familiar? Heh.
Wednesday, April 02, 2003
i don't blog much lately, do i...
Quick Facts...
Current Favorite CD: Mew Half the World is Watching
Reading Right Now: Darwin's Children by Greg Bear
The Devil You Know by Poppy Z Brite
Last Concert I Saw: Sigur Ros at the House of Blues this past weekend
Last Boy I Slept With: Cute 22 year old emo boy from Little Rock that I met out clubbing out after the Sigur Ros concert... he had me from the moment he said he cried through the whole concert....
Quick Facts...
Current Favorite CD: Mew Half the World is Watching
Reading Right Now: Darwin's Children by Greg Bear
The Devil You Know by Poppy Z Brite
Last Concert I Saw: Sigur Ros at the House of Blues this past weekend
Last Boy I Slept With: Cute 22 year old emo boy from Little Rock that I met out clubbing out after the Sigur Ros concert... he had me from the moment he said he cried through the whole concert....
Friday, March 21, 2003
The Line of Polity by Neal Asher was released today in the UK! Which means it'll be about another week before I can read it....
oh, fiddlesticks...
oh, fiddlesticks...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)