Saturday, October 27, 2001

Yesterday started nine days of vacation from work for me. I have no great plans. I'm not going anywhere. I'm just going to not work. I'm going to read. I'm going to simply enjoy life. Enjoy New Orleans. Enjoy my favorite season of the year. Hopefully convince someone to find time to have coffee one day...

Yesterday, I spent the afternoon hanging out in the city with my store manager, Denise, and a visiting friend of hers. Twas nice and low key mostly. We had lunch at Lucy's (Retired Surfers Bar) and then went to the Quarter to wander about.

Ran through Jackson Square and said hi to Tanner who seemed to be doing booming business with his unreal tattoos. Apologized to him about never getting back to him about planning a going away party for our mutual ex-boyfriend, who has decided to quit his well paying job and join the Peace Corps. (He'll be machetted to death...)

Went by Fifi's to say hi to Flynn & company and for the chicks to shop a bit. Then we ran through a few small shops.

The next stop was the courtyard at Napoleon House for drinks. We sat in dappled light and rambled on over a couple of cocktails for a bit, soaking in the pre-holiday vibe that was around us. Twas nice.

After Napoleon House, the chicks wanted a daiquiri, so we went up Bourbon to New Orleans Daiquiris. It was Circuit Queen central. Ugh ugh ugh. I actually had to leave the place while the girls ordered their drinks. I cannot stand over-pumped, over-shaved, super short haired clone boys. Why the fuck would anyone wanna look just like all of their supposed friends and 3000 other cookie cutter queens? I don't get it. And when I'm surrounded by it, I start to drown in the mediocrity of it all.

The curse of Halloween in New Orleans, I suppose...

Anyways, after the daiquiri stop, we had to run down to The Old Absinthe Shop to meet a friend of Denise's friend. Ugh ugh ugh again. Shortly thereafter, we went home.

Walking onto my stoop, I found a nice surprise. Last Sunday nite, only 4 days earlier, I had ordered a couple of books from Amazon UK that aren't due to be published here in the states until next year. Fallen Dragon by Peter F. Hamilton is the one I was really jonesing for. It came out a couple weeks ago in the UK, but isn't due in the US until next April. The wait was unthinkable. Hamilton writes great space opera. I never really liked this types of stories until him. But, his books fill my head with all sorts of ideas. And I buzz around happy for days after finishing one.

The other book is a compilation of British SF writers, called Futures. It also has a Hamilton story in it as well as a Stephen Baxter story, another of my faves.

Regardless, it was a huge shock to me that these books made it to me from the UK in less than five days transit. That's pretty damned impressive.

So, I grabbed Fallen Dragon and took it to Cafe Roma with me for a dinner of a roasted eggplant po-boy and white wine. I read the first couple of chapters sitting at a nice breezy, open to the street, corner table.

I was barely home and cleaned up before Lance called, a bit earlier than I expected. Grrrr... he, his roommate and roomie's boyfriend were going for cocktails and dinner. I go despite having eaten.

We drive around forever before finding a parking space in the Quarter. But, finally we do. Then it's to the Bombay Club for incredibly overpriced cocktails. I have a Stoli Cosmopolitan. That's about the gayest drink I drink on a regular basis.

Then we go to Irene's for dinner. I've never been to Irene's. It's a pleasant surprise. Unfortunately, I'm stuffed to the gills already. The course of the evening is mostly nice, but I feel a bit on the sidelines during most of the conversation. It's hard to stay a part of a conversation when it mainly consists of tales of past adventures of close friends. I do manage to eat half a bowl of shrimp and corn bisque which was quite pleasant.

The evening ended relatively early for Lance and I since he worked today. But, we've mutually decided to skip tonight's big event since neither of us have costumes ready. I think we're gonna do pizza and a movie before we go to the bars. Perhaps I'll test him with Suspiria... Tis the season.


Wednesday, October 24, 2001

So... it's been a few days...

Saturday... I bet you're wondering about Saturday? Saturday came and Lance called. (See, now you know his name) The plan made for the night was pizza from Cafe Roma and movies at his apartment. His roommate was around as well. They'd already rented SHADOW OF THE VAMPIRE.

I had to stand my ground. I've already seen that movie. And I loathed it. So, I spoke up. We went back to Blockbuster and returned with SNATCH and SUNSHINE. SNATCH absolutely rocked. SUNSHINE was three hours of my life whose only redeeming factor was the guy I was snuggled up to on the sofa with.

The first part of the evening, I was a bit unsure of myself. And of where he stood with me. The roommate being around sorta threw me as well. But, I knew it was all good when he asked me if I wanted to lay down with him to watch the second movie. And, of course, I did. And I have to admit I actually slept on his chest for part of the movie. *sigh*

It was a nice long evening. He smokes, so when he went out for ciggy breaks, I went with him. And we sat and talked.

At the end of the evening, he asked me to sleep over. And I said no.

That means this could be serious...

By the time I came home, we'd planned to meet again on Tuesday. Which was last night. And we did meet again.

We went to see FROM HELL. He doesn't talk during movies. He likes to get Sno Caps and a Coke. The movie was good. The company was better. On the way home, he pulled into a gas station but parked near the shop, not at a gas pump. He asked if I wanted anything. I didn't.

He came back with Certs.

He brought me home. We sat in the car for several minutes. We weren't talking...

The next date is Friday night. We're just gonna get in his car and drive. And see where the road takes us...

This feels good. I hope it lasts. I think it will...

Saturday, October 20, 2001

If I were the DJ at the Shim Sham for 80s nite, you'd hear:

The Magician - Secession
Don't Walk - The Big Supreme
Dancing with Tears in My Eyes - Ultravox
Say it Again - Danse Society
Fade to Grey - Visage
A Girl in Trouble - Romeo Void
The Politics of Dancing - Re-Flex
Warm Leatherette - The Normal
Change Your Mind - Sharpe & Numan
Double Barrel Prayer - Diamanda Galas
Big Hollow Man - Danielle Dax
Punch - Colourbox
Bizarre Love Triangle - New Order
Stranger - Clan of Xymox
Be My (Powerstation) - St Che
Duel - Propaganda
Why - Bronski Beat
Ghost in You - Psychedelic Furs
A Way - The Bolshoi
Strapdown - Meat Beat Manifesto
Musique Non Stop - Kraftwerk
Tour de France - Kraftwerk
Hip Hop Be Bop - Man Parrish
October Love Song - Chris & Cosey
Whats My Mission Now - Tackhead

hmmm.. it would just confuse the 20 year olds...

Thursday, October 18, 2001

So, last Sunday, I ventured to the Bywater. A fashion show, of sorts, at Leos. Various and sundry people that I sort of know. Twas fun, to a point. Saw Beau, Richard, Jason (who did an incredibly funny drag number) and others. Had a few drinks, made some conversation and had general fun.

I made a slightly early exit and headed over to the Pub for the post-Tea crowd. I ran into a couple of people that I knew, made more conversation, etc etc. Wasn't too exciting.

Then Beau showed up at the Pub. We hung out, watched videos, etc etc. Then a friend of the guy that Beau is sorta seeing stopped to say hi. He was cute.

He was very cute.

He barely seemed to notice me when Beau introduced us.

His roommate and he hung out for a while. More drinks were had. Then somewhere along the way, he seemed to notice me. The conversation got a little more one on one.

A drink was bought for me.

More conversation.

Compliments exchanged. A phone number offered. More alcohol consumed. A promise made to call me for coffee.

The next day... the day I'm pretty sure he said he'd call. No phone call. No coffee.

A couple days pass. I forget about it cuz work is so busy.

Wednesday evening, I'm sitting at the desk in the back on my lunchbreak. My cellphone rings in my bag. I answer. It's him.

He's sorry that it's last minute, but will I have coffee with him that nite? Yes.

We meet at Rue de la Course on Magazine at 9:30 pm. It's a cool night, my favorite time of the year. We talk. It's extremely comfortable.

He's smart. He's witty. He has insightful things to say about all sorts of things. He keeps my interest.

At one point, in mid conversation, he stops, looks at me and says, "you're very handsome, you know?"

We talk until they make us leave.

Then we stroll across the street to our cars. We stop on the corner to say goodbye and make plans for dinner in the next few days. We kiss goodnight on the corner of the street.

I really can't wait to see him again. This feels... different. I like it.

Dinner Saturday... I'll let ya know how it goes...

Saturday, October 13, 2001

blech... again with the mistakes...
So... today I did something I never really pictured myself doing... I bought an issue of JANE.

But the new issue has a free CD in it that's absolutely kick ass. It's all new, unreleased, remixed or otherwise unavailable tracks by a gaggle of groovy bands... like Stereolab, No comments:
This morning I got up and went to work after a night of god awful insomnia. Why is it that when I have insomnia my dog seems to also? She paced the apartment the entire nite.

So I get to work and the store is a wreck cuz a couple people quit or disappeared this week and a couple others got sick last nite. So, we get everyone into recovery mode. I'm straightening tables. And while I'm straightening the trade paperback table, I find a book I haven't seen before. The author is Matt Clark.

A few years ago in Baton Rouge, I knew a Matt Clark. Matt was an incredibly bright guy who had more than a few quirks. He liked to wear bow ties. He was fond of disco and odd music. He was also the director of the graduate writing program at LSU. And from what I've heard he was incredibly well liked and respected in that program.

Matt and I had a bit of a dificult relationship. I'd be lying if I said we were great friends or perhaps friends at all. He was very much a part of the circle of people that I was a part of as well though.

The one time that I was really a part of his life was after a party he had. Matt had a big ceramic statue of the RCA Nipper dog. One of our friends decided in a drunken fit to 'kidnap' it from Matt's house during the party. The next day, four of us drove around Baton Rouge with the dog and a Polaroid camera. We took pictures of Nipper at an LSU campus glory hole. We took a picture of Nipper browsing gay porn at Hibiscus Books. We took a picture of Nipper posing with tourists at the state capital. And a couple more... And then we taped one to his office door on the LSU campus. Over the next couple weeks, we mailed the pictures to him one at a time. We even got a friend of one of us to mail one of the pictures from Paris. Or maybe we just planned to... it's been a while...

From what I remember Matt was both equally annoyed and amused.

I was a very different person back then. Somewhere along the way, I became a very bitter, very angry soul. I was difficult to be around. I became upset and overly angry very easily and very often. My friends grew distant. My relationship of several years fell apart.

After Dave and I split up, I began to take stock of my life though. I changed jobs and found myself really loving the new one. I started getting a lot more exercise, eating better, etc. I found joy in my life again. I started to really *live* again.

Matt lived a couple of blocks from me in the garden district of Baton Rouge. His boyfriend, Chad, was one of the few people who was always friendly with me, no matter how grim I got. I rode my bike a lot around the neighborhood and I often saw Chad and Matt walking. We'd chat a bit and then go on our ways.

I distinctly remember one day though that Chad stopped to chat and Matt continued walking toward his house. Chad told me that Matt didn't mean to be rude but that his stomach was bothering him a bit.

New Years Eve, or perhaps another holiday, was around this time. A group of us got together for the nite to celebrate. Chad showed up without Matt. He wasn't feeling well again. We felt bad for him but I remember a good time being had that night.

A couple of weeks later, my doorbell rang one day. When I answered the door, another friend of our circle, Jenny, was at the door. I didn't think much of it, because Jenny also lived in the Garden District and she'd often drop by and take my dog walking with her.

And then I noticed that she'd been crying. I've never felt power of words so much in my life as in that next moment. When Jenny asked me if I had heard about Matt. He'd been diagnosed with liver and colon cancer. And his diagnosis was terminal. I felt like I'd been physically shoved back through the door into my house. I was literaly in shock for a few minutes.

I never saw Matt again. The day he hurried off as Chad I chatted was the last time I saw him. As his illness progressed, he saw only his closest friends and family. Within a couple of months, he was gone. And he was only 31, the same age as me.

His memorial service was one of the coolest things I've ever been to in my life. At his request, bright colors were worn along with leis. Flowers were everywhere and not funeral arrangements. Dr Seuss was read. It was a nice day, of sorts.

During the time of his death and after, I discovered a lot about Matt that I had never known. He liked a lot of the same types of fiction that I did, magical realism and such. I never really knew that he had written that much either.

His death had a profound effect on my life. It was one of the greatest lessons I ever learned. I discovered that I had had this incredibly interesting person near me for a couple of years who I had kept at a distance with a lot of unnecessary attitude. It sounds like a simple thing. But it's not.

For me this was an enormous lesson. The more I really found out about Matt, the more I realized that if I had been more accessible, he and I probably would have become much better friends. I think we would've had some incredibly interesting conversations about literature, art and the world. I think I could have learned a lot from him.

I promised myself to never forget this. And I've done a pretty good job. I'm still happy... most of the time. :)

Well, back to this morning. I saw this book and thought to myself, "how sad... my Matt never got published and now there's another Matt Clark writing novels." And then I flipped the book over. And saw a picture of the Matt I once knew.

For a moment again, I had a physical reaction. I had to go to a part of the store where no one else was working. My stomach felt incredibly hollow, my eyes teared. Matt's novel got published...

Wow.

I'm home from work now and it's raining like hell outside. A perfect night to curl up on the sofa with a book, huh?

I'll tell ya all about it later....

Friday, October 12, 2001

What I was trying to say is that you might wanna buy me something...
grrrr... i hate being humbled... what I might wanna do is post before I post and publish...
Okay... I'm thinking that there are uses for my newfound talent... for instance, you might want to No comments:
What I'm reading right now:

The Bad Beginning by Lemony Snicket
Tim and Pete by James Robert Baker
Sandman, all over again

What I'm listening to lately:

Beautiful Garbage / Garbage
Every Six Seconds / Saliva
Hot on the Heels of Love / Throbbing Gristle (go figure... suddenly i really like this song again)
Live Through This / Hole
Everything by Nirvana
Rated R / Queens of the Stone Age
Velvet Goldmine Soundtrack
The Id / Macy Gray
10,000 HZ / Air
Drugstore / Drugstore
Sexadelic Dance Party / Vampyros Lesbos
Gorillaz / Gorillaz
ChangesBowie / David Bowie
Too Young to Die (the Singles) / St Etienne
Adore / Smashing Pumpkins
Elastica / Elastica
Exotica Soundtrack
Join in the Chant (Thomas P Heckmann Remix) / Nitzer Ebb
K & D Sessions / Kruder & Dorfmeister

What I've Watched Lately:

Buffy the Vampire Slayer's new season
Wicker Man
Suspiria
Akira
A quick note to say THANKS! to Jonno.

Regular readers of this should know why I'm thanking him if they're paying attention at all... And it only took me about 5 minutes to learn. :)

Sunday, October 07, 2001

A lesson learned this week... I bid on eBay ever so often. This past week I bid on several items. I'm so compulsive about eBay that I have my account set up to send email alerts to my cellphone when I'm outbid. And I have my cellphone set up to make a telegraph sound when it receives an email. Night before last, I was very tired after my brief night out. Over the course of the night, I was outbid three seperate times. So, three times in the middle of the night, I was awoken by my vibrating, chirping cellphone. I may have to rethink this...

My new haircut rules. Thanks to my friends who convinced me that my haircolor is just fine as it is... A special thanks to the 2 people who told me that 'people pay to get hair my color.' I feel beautiful. *snort* *chuckle*

I'm buying the boots tomorrow. Yes I am...

Saturday, October 06, 2001

Alrighty... i've been a BAD blogger. This has been pointed out to me in several recent conversations.

Why? Well, at least partially cuz in the scope of the hugeness of everything going on in the world lately, it's seemed a bit frivolous to go on about my small life in such detail. Also, my life has been sort of boring lately.

Anyways, enuff with boredom...

Last night was a very good night. I worked till 4 pm yesterday. Which means I actually worked till almost 5, natch. During my lunch break, I rushed out to check out Best Buy on Vets on their opening day. Picked up the new Garbage CD and the Saliva CD that's been out a while. I felt noisy. Only $11.99 each. I passed on buying the Argento double disc sets cuz their are better things to spend money on right now.

So, after I got in from work, I walked the dog, checked email and showered. Then I drove downtown. I parked my car in the edge of the Marigny and ran to Gargoyles shoe store before they closed. After a lot of scoping out of boots, which I need a new pair of, I zoned in on a nice calf high pair with lots of lace and three buckles across the back of 'em. $180 though. I'm living with the idea of them for a couple of days before I commit. Altho, I think I've already mentally committed. I see myself looking quite nice in them.

Next I walked over to Electric Ladyland on Frenchmen and spent some time checking out their flash and talking to one of the artists. Their prices seem quite decent. I really have no clue what I want though. I just know I want more ink on my unadorned arm. Of course, my parents still haven't seen the other arm...

After the tattoo shop, I drove over and parked at Harrahs and got my ticket validated and then left the casino. I did some shopping at the Riverwalk. Spent $145 and got 4 pairs of pants and 4 shirts. Not too shabby. Of course, Flynn called while I was at the Gap and seemed horrified that I was at the Gap. Whatever dude! I think he got my reasoning when I pointed out that a $20 pair of cargo pants or jeans is a nice thing to have no matter if it did come from the Gap. As long as my clothes don't have big labels announcing their origins I don't care where the fuck they come from.

Agreed to meet Flynn at Lafitte's later since he'd be meeting Jonno there. Yay, happy to see Jonno.

Back in the car, back to the edge of the Marigny. Bags stowed in trunk. A quick change into new dark jeans. Pouting a bit cuz I didn't buy the boots.

I wander the Quarter a bit and decide to have dinner at Angeli. Grilled eggplant sandwich with fries and a Bloody Mary. Bloody good. Read all the gay rags while I'm dining. Nice and relaxifying.

After dinner, I strole down to Virgin Mega and listen to CDs for an hour or so. Nothing bowls me over except for the first track on the new Curve CD. I didn't even know their was a new Curve CD.

I browse Tower a bit also. Have to make myself not buy the new action figure of Kaneda from Akira sitting on his bike. NICE! but it'll be cheaper elsewhere later.

Then I head on to the fruit loop. I intend to stop at the Pub to say hi to Wil and Chris, but they're charging cover and I ain't paying. So, I head to Lafittes. Jonno is at the bar, talking to Eric, who's bartending.

Eric is a recent transplant from Chicago, I believe. I've met him a couple of times. Cute guy. Never remembers who I am. That pretty much sums up the impression I've made, I suppose. :) He's quite cute in everyday life. I don't think I like him behind a bar. It seems sort of demeaning to him...

Regardless, it was the first time I'd actually gotten to hang out with Jonno where speaking was involved in many weeks. I saw him last Saturday, but I was sorta drunk and all I did was give him a big bearhug. But, I think the hug was an effective means of communication in that case.

It was Rock Night at Lafittes. The music was hit and miss, but Bowie and Romeo Void were the highlights. I feel like having bourbon so Jonno, my new mixologist, introduces me to a Red Snapper. Bourbon, amaretto, cranberry and a splash of soda. I like.

Flynn appears. Conversing follows. We wander to Rawhide. Hang with Andy at the bar for a bit. See Robert who compliments me on my sobriety for the evening. Then to Voodoo. At which point, I check the time and head home.

Me and a dog in the bed adrift in an air-conditioned frigid blissful slumber...

This morning, so far, a haircut. And a good one. I feel pretty. Now, I'm gonna go shop some more before I work this afternoon.

I'm back, trivialities and all... And I'll try to keep at it... promise...

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Lafayette, Louisiana, United States