I've been on a big action figure binge lately. I've collected action figures for the better part of a decade. I've ALWAYS collected comic books, but I used to sneer at the people who bought 'little plastic people' just as much as I sneered at the baseball card collectors.

Then, Batman the Animated Series happened to me. When the BTAS action figures first cme out, I used to look at them in Walmart and think "gee, these sure are cool, but i'm not buying them, no way." Even when they made Catwoman.

Then, my ex, Dave, had a birthday. He liked the Batman figures a lot too. So, I decided to buy him some for his birthday. The floodgates opened. I obsessively tracked down every single BTAS figure ever made. The only one I never got was the Robin Dragster, which sells for $200 - $300 now cuz the factory burned down after the first batch of them were made. I think about buying one on eBay ever so often though...

Buying Batman made it okay to buy the X-Men. And the Fantastic Four weren't so removed from them. And Iron Man. And the Avengers. For a while, I dabbled in Star Wars, before finally realizing that I have always hated the Star Wars movies. They're crap. Always have been. Always will be.

When the short-lived Superman animated figures line came out, I hunted it down obsessively. I went to Toys R Us (TRU to those of us who are fanatics) every morning before work until I finally found the unopened case one morning. Ripped it open with my car keys and bought the entire first line of characters.

I used to go to Walmarts at 2 AM looking when I knew new Batman figures were coming out. The ex knew we always had to go to the toy department of any store we went into before any other shopping could commence. That's still true of me.

After moving to New Orleans, I was too poor to buy figures very much. The line I love now are DC Direct figures. Figures made of DC comic book characters by DC Comics. Today, I got Big Barda & Mr Miracle in the mail. Bought them on eBay.

The new Spiderman line rocks also though. He has an amazing number of points of articulation. Points of articulation... that another obsessive geeky term thing...

Anyways... if you didn't think I was kinda geeky before...

Well, Blogger likes me again. I haven't even tried blogging lately b/c from the 10th to the 13th none of my posts were getting through. But they seem to be okay now. Altho, rereading the incredibly self-indulgent and generally blech-y post that one of those was makes me cringe a bit. I'm glad I can laugh at myself...

I woke up a bit hungry this morning. And wanting a Diet Coke.

Last night, I went grocery shopping at Whole Foods. I spent almost a hundred dollars.

And this morning, I don't have any Diet Coke in my house. And I don't see anything I want to eat.

Hmmm.

I'm feeling kind of melancholy today. And everywhere I turn, I seem to be encountering things that are forcing me to think about how being gay shapes your life in lots of ways regardless of whether you want it to or not.

In today's Times Picayune, there was an article about a Louisiana Senate committee sending a bill to the Senate which would prohibit discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation. The thing that struck me the most was at the end of the article. One of the deciding votes was cast by Sen. Ken Hollis from Metairie. There was a quote from him in which he spoke about his opinion being shaped by the fact that he had a gay son. He seems to love and accept his son. But...

The article ends with these 3 paragraphs:

***

Hollis said he knew at an early age his oldest son was different from his other two sons. "As he grew older, it became obvious," he said. "I remember the day he called me and said, ‘I want to visit with you, Dad.' We met and he told me he was gay.

"I hugged him and said I loved him. Two of his friends also came out. One was beaten up by his dad; the other got thrown out of the house.

"If he could change, he would," Hollis said of his son. "But I love him just as much."

***

It hurts me that even the people who defend us, even the loving father of a gay son sometimes say things that are so very wrong and so very hurtful.

Was it really necessary for him to end his statement by saying "if he could change, he would"? Does Mr Hollis truly know that his son would choose to be heterosexual given the chance?

The message I get here is that Mr. Hollis views homosexuality as a form of second class existence. That he thinks his son's life would have more value, that he could take more pride in it if his son were heterosexual.

But, he loves him even though he's a homosexual.

I don't really think that's what Mr Hollis intended, but that's what his words could convey. And that hurts me.

From a young age, a lot of us who are gay learn a lot about hurt. I know I did. I learned very early in life about the power that words have. And the pain that follows from the way that power can be wielded against you.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me." That's one of the great lies we're told as children. Words have more power than a fist could every have. One single syllable flung at you can inflict more pain than any fist.

The person I am today is a direct result of a childhood that I largely choose not to remember. What I do remember is an awful lot of hurt. A lot of time spent alone. A lot of words that hurt. And a lot of adults who either chose to ignore what was going on or who were party to it.

I'm sure Mr. Hollis didn't mean to use words that could hurt. But, it seems to me, he did. And I have to wonder what his son thought as he read them.

I do know one thing. Given the choice, I wouldn't change. I like being me. I know I'm a little different from most people. I'm an extremely solitary person. I don't trust people very easily. It's rare for me to truly consider someone to be a friend. And all of this is a result of a childhood which had a lot of hurt in it. And that hurt was a direct result of the fact that I was gay.

But... I would not change, Mr. Hollis. And I truly wonder whether your son would either.

I miss my bacteria.

Thanks to the staph infection I mentioned a couple of days ago, I've been on very strong antibiotics for 3 days. I think that pretty much every bacteria, good or bad, that was in or on my body is dead now. I feel sterile.

I miss my bacteria.

Quick 80s Music Flashback... Song's I used to LOVE:

Dancing With Tears in My Eyes - Ultravox
Change Your Mind - Sharpe & Numan
Be My Powerstation - St. Che'
The Magician - Secession
Relax - FGTH
Absolute - Claudia Brucken
Love and Pride - King
Fake - Brick
Stranger - Clan of Xymox
Primary - The Cure
WYHIWYG - Front 242
Strapdown - Meat Beat Manifesto
Dig It - Skinny Puppy
Tour de France - Kraftwerk
Only in My Dreams - Debbie Gibson
Fascinated - Company B
Silent Morning - Noel
Loveride - Nuance
Drag Racing - Big Stick
Sensoria - Cabaret Voltaire
Everything by Colourbox and Propaganda
Hurts - Boytronic
Timebomb - Chakk
Over the Shoulder - Ministry
Beat Dis - Bomb the Bass
Theme from S'Express - S'Express
A Girl in Trouble - Romeo Void
We Shall Cleanse the World - Revolting Cocks
Don't Walk - Big Supreme
Imagination - Belouis Some
Images of Heaven - Peter Godwin
Flucht - Zwischenfall
Murderous - Nitzer Ebb

I'm not very faithful to the Blog Lifestyle yet, am I...?

So, life lately... got stood up for a tentative date on Saturday. The excuse being that his cellphone died and it was Monday before he could access his numbers in it again. Well, at the worst, it was a creative excuse and he did call on Monday. Also stood up by The Ex who was supposed to call me to see if I wanted to hang out with he and his friends at the Country Club. Got a lame apology later by email. Of course, the same evening, a good friend did take me up on my invite to come by while I was grilling some food. I thought he was coming for dinner and conversation. He thought he was coming for sex. I think we were both left a little unsatisfied by the evening. I do like the boy quite a lot though, I just don't like being treated like an outlet for, um... well you know...

And then on Sunday, my eye that had been a little itchy for a couple days, suddenly decided to swell up and get crusty. I assumed pink-eye had gotten me. Then my eyelid starting peeling off. Ick. By the time I go to my doctor on Tuesday morning, the eye was getting better, but my face had gotten a similar peely spot and my throat was all swollen. The verdict was that I scratched my eyelid and got a staph infection in it, which I was then touching and spreading about my skin. ICK!! Day 2 of antibiotics and I'm already 200% better. I did miss 2 days of work and did nothing but sleep all day for 2 days. And eat...

And look at eBay... eBay is SO scary. There's so many things on there I could so easily buy. I can just sit for hours typing in things that pop into my head. I think I may start buying every comic book I find on there that has an appearance in it by Krypto, Superman's dog.

Krypto is absolutely one of the coolest things ever in comic books. I mean, he's a super intelligent dog who has all of Superman's powers. Or, he was in the Silver Age of comics, at least. Things just don't get much cooler than super-powered dogs.

If you ever see a guy running around with a tattoo of Krypto on his back, that's my ex. The bastard stole my tattoo idea. Well, maybe he had my blessing. I think he's convinced himself it was his idea anyway. Regardless, he loves Krypto as much as I do. As does my friend, Brian.

Isn't it scary that there are three thirty-something gay guys in New Orleans who all obsessively love a comic book character who happens to be a super-powered dog?

Eek. An education in blogging begins. Hitting "post & publish" results in typos and poor grammar representing you to the world. Lesson learned.

Tuesday night is Buffy the Vampire Slayer nite. How the fuck can a piece of crap show like Queer as Folk win a GLAAD media award when a show like Buffy is on the air?? The relationship between Willow and Tara has been, without any doubt in my mind, the best portrayal ever of a gay or lesbian couple on television.

No other show has ever represented the love and dignity of a gay relationship so well. The development of Willow and Tara as a couple has been a joy to watch. There's not been a false note a single time in the development of their relationship. Watching friendship grow into respect and admiration and those traits grown into love between these two characters has been an absolute joy. The smallest looks between the two and some of the best written dialogue on tv has made me believe in the complete and pure love between these characters.

So, the things that happened in tonight's show... hurt. And hurt bad. I cried. I guess part of me will always be a big sissy. And I don't care.

Watch Buffy already.